


don't fear the midnight

by HolisticFangirl



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brotzly - Freeform, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), luckily Todd is there to be a good boyfriend, poor Dirk needs a hug, rated T just to be extra super safe, yes the Universe gets a capital U because it's just that important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 19:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16270520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolisticFangirl/pseuds/HolisticFangirl
Summary: "Maybe," Dirk hears himself whisper, his voice barely audible, "you would have been better off if I never escaped Blackwing."-Their first "I love you" isn't exactly under the best of circumstances. But they make it work.They're Todd and Dirk, and they'll always make it work.





	don't fear the midnight

Dirk wakes up screaming.

Everything is dark and he doesn’t know where he is and his skin is burning with the feel of electrocution. His heart is racing, pounding so hard in his chest that it _hurts_ , and he’s so _terrified_ of tomorrow, and-- what if this is it? What if this is the last day he’ll ever be _alive?_ What if they--

A burst of orange light appears from his right as a lamp flicks itself on.

_Mona._

Suddenly, Dirk’s flailing arms are being pinned to his sides by a pair of strong hands, pushing him down into the pillows.

 _“Dirk,”_ a panicked voice is saying, still rough with sleep, _“breathe!”_

And Dirk opens his mouth and gulps down air, tears still streaming down his face. The bed beneath him is too soft, too unsteady, and he’s sinking, and--

A face appears above him, features blurred together in Dirk’s watery vision.

 _“Breathe,”_ Todd is saying, and-- and how did Todd get into Blackwing? How could Dirk have let them get _him,_ too?

Dirk’s lips move, and he thinks he’s saying _“I’m sorry.”_ He thinks he’s shouting it, over and over and over again, but he can’t hear the words over the pounding in his ears.

Then Todd’s voice breaks through the fog in his mind. _“Dirk, please, breathe, please, nightmare, please, breathe, breathe,_ breathe--”

Dirk breathes.

Air fills his lungs, cold and sweet and clear, and the haze clouding Dirk’s thoughts begins to dissipate. Dirk blinks away the tears in his eyes and Todd’s features shift into focus-- the messy hair, the shadows hovering beneath his concerned blue eyes.

Something _clicks_ , and Dirk knows that he’s not in Blackwing. He knows that it was just a nightmare, and he knows that he’s _safe_ now.

But just _knowing_ doesn’t chase the feel of crackling embers from his fingertips, of the buzzing of a loudspeaker in his ears.

Dirk keeps breathing, keeps gasping and sobbing and Todd waits there, still holding him firmly in place, until the tears finally begin to subside. It’s only when Dirk finally manages to get himself back under control-- to stop thrashing and whimpering and hiccuping with sobs-- that Todd releases his death-grip on his arms and sits back on his heels.

Dirk pushes himself upright, exhaling long and slow as he props himself up against the headboard.

“Hey,” Todd says softly from across from him.

Then the guilt hits, the guilt and the shame, a wave crashing over him and making Dirk’s chest constrict. He _hates_ himself for doing this-- for constantly waking Todd with nightmares, for constantly being terrified in his own sleep, for constantly ruining _everything_.

Todd deserves better.

Todd, his beautiful perfect _boyfriend,_ who always holds Dirk’s hand through the pain, who smiles and laughs and kisses Dirk like he _matters,_ even when he’s exhausted from the countless sleepless nights.

“Maybe,” Dirk hears himself whisper, his voice barely audible, “you would have been better off if I never escaped Blackwing.”

He doesn’t look at Todd-- he keeps his gaze focused on his hands in his lap, trembling where they’re clenched in the folds of the blanket. He doesn’t look up even as he hears Todd sputter in disbelief, doesn’t look up even when Todd starts to speak.

_“What?”_

The word is so loud and fierce that Dirk almost flinches.

“How could you even _think_ that?” Todd continues, and he sounds _furious_. Dirk hates himself for making Todd furious. “Dirk, I-- you-- I could never have been better off without you, don’t you understand? I-- you changed my _life,_ and I-- I wouldn’t be the even be the same _person_ \--”

“No, you’d be a _better_ person,” Dirk interrupts, and, this time, he does meet Todd’s eyes. “You’d be happier and less tired and you would be _safe.”_

Todd’s eyes flash, filling with an emotion Dirk can’t place.

“Look,” Todd says, reaching over to take Dirk’s hands in his own. “I was _broken,_ okay? I was a broken, screwed-up, asshole of a guy who hated his life. And you… you were broken, too, but in a different way. I knew that. I _know_ that. But we… Dirk, this… _thing_ that we have, it-- we _help_ each other. We’re made for each other, and the Universe led us together, okay? And, I… I don’t care about being _tired,_ or whatever. I care about _you,_ because I-- I love you.”

Dirk stares, mesmerized by Todd’s eyes and unable to look away.

_I love you._

It’s only then that he realizes this is their first “I love you”-- they’ve never said it to each other, not in the two months they’ve been _together_ -together, because it had always been… implied, Dirk supposes.

But. _Hearing_ it is a different thing entirely.

Todd scoots closer on the bed so that their knees are touching. “I love you,” he says again, and it’s so soft Dirk almost misses it.

Dirk’s mind is still whirling, spinning with pain and regret and also-- also _warmth,_ warmth that’s pooling in his chest and chasing the echoes of Blackwing away from his mind.

“I love you, too,” Dirk manages to croak, and a smile breaks out on Todd’s face, and he’s _so beautiful_ and Dirk is so, so _grateful_ for him. There’s a lump forming in Dirk’s throat again, but it’s for a different reason this time-- a different, better, _good_ reason.

“I think I’m going to cry again,” he says with a pathetic sniff, and a bubble of laughter escapes Todd’s lips and then he leans forward and they’re kissing. Todd winds his arms around Dirk’s neck and pulls himself into Dirk’s lap, parting his lips softly against Dirk’s own. Everything is soft and warm and Todd is _there,_ with him, and Dirk couldn’t feel more secure.

Todd pulls apart for just a breath. “I love you,” he murmurs against Dirk’s mouth.

Dirk doesn’t answer; he just tugs Todd closer, burying his face into Todd’s hair and breathing in the scent of him. He can feel Todd’s heart beating steadily, like a drum.

Then again, Todd _is_ a musician.

 _I love you,_ Dirk thinks, and Todd’s arms tighten around his waist, almost like he can hear what Dirk’s thinking.

“Goodnight,” Todd mumbles, yawning into Dirk’s chest.

A smile flickers across Dirk’s face, and he smiles. Maybe he deserves this, maybe he doesn’t; whatever the case, he’s glad the Universe led him here.


End file.
